Monday, April 20, 2009


The pink curtain haunted the room. There was just one, and it was pulled to the middle of the window. The night looked welcoming from only the two thin slits for moonlight that rotated in that silent breathing room, hypnotizing her, hypnotizing even itself.
She knew she was dreaming of the house again. May be she was awake like the last time it happened- In the middle of the park where her grandchildren liked to play. May be she was on the bus to her son's house. May be she had finally died and this was the last memory that chose to perform a final merciful act to keep the angel from her body. For a few minutes more of a long, long life.

The stillness inside the movement was infinitely deep and silent. She was sitting with her friend, on the edge of a river that did not flow, filling erosions that did not crumble when touched. There was no time in this place. Only peace and the soft scent of cologne wearing out from old clothes. There was permanence and a bland but complete happiness because it came from yesterdays she had forgotten. Without memory there are left only the stale emotions we might have felt. But they grow old- older than us, because there is no face, no reality, or dream to connect them to. They are feelings that circle in the voids of ancient minds, making wrinkled mouths smile some times when we think they are growing too old. When we think it is madness, it is only the trickle of memory into the famine of a tall, towering, intimidating present. It is the past that haunts us best. It is the past that knows us best. And when that old friend begins to betray us, then there is hopeless feeling trapped in a body whose soul left it. This is familiar, because this is how all love stories end.

She was there now, in the room with the pink curtain, but deeper than that. Deeper within herself and him, in the moonlight hypnotizing them both. The pebbles inside the river's water glistened and she could steadily feel her heart beat as the sun twisted its fingers to slip over the wet rocks. Deep inside the water and the sun, there must be a time like this, she thought. Where hearts beat louder than words. Where time is simply irrelevant. She did not want this to end. She would never be able to bear it, if it were to end now and bring with it another damn beginning.

She surfaced from the sun, the water and him. She was breathing as she was crying into the arms of a man whose face too, she had forgotton. Yet this was the only memory that stayed. This was the only noise that drowned out the silence of coffins and hospitals. Her hands clawing at his hands as he grabbed them. And a beautiful voice that said to her many times that night, "I have you. I have you. I have you."

I Never Looked At You That Way

I was leafing through TV channels today and came across this comedy show where a stand-up comedian expressed his profound observation regarding the way women behave when proposed by men. Here’s an extract with little improvisations from yours truly.

Typical response of a girl when proposed by a guy who has been her friend from quite sometime…

Girl: I thought we are just good friends…

Guy: Yes… we still are … and we make a good couple too

Girl: I don’t know what to say … I never looked at you that way… you see, you are a great person… I like you a lot…. but … I can’t mix relations with friendship…

Guy: Why can’t we work this out?

Girl: please don’t take me in a wrong way … you deserve someone much better than me …

---- Silence ----

Girl: See… I want our friendship to continue … it is very valuable for me… you have always helped me in difficult times … been there when I called you up middle of the night for help ….

Guy: …. (Disappointed)

Girl: Now don’t be so disappointed … I will search you a good girl for you…

Personally, I feel nine out of ten guys have experienced this situation in their lives. What freaks them out this same girl going out with a completely stupid guy whom she has met just 10 days back! I have never understood what goes through the girl’s mind… I have never understood that sentence … “I didn’t look at you that way”. This situation is like… you are in an interview for a job that you desperately need and this is what the interviewer tells you at the end of your interview …

Interviewer: Your resume is one of the best I have seen…

You: Thank you.

Interviewer: You make a great fit to our company … your attitude … your skill set is exactly what we need for this job.

You: Thank you.

Interviewer: But we won’t be able to take you for the job. We prefer a less suitable candidate.

You: Why Sir?

Interviewer: You see … You are a great person… you deserve a much better company that ours

You: This is my dream company sir… I would like to work here.

Interviewer: It is your humbleness that you attended our interview… I don’t think our company will do justice to your talents. If you want, I can help you in identifying suitable company for you.

How would you feel at the end of such interview… that’s how guys feel being turned down with that stupid reason… You know… it still confuses me… what does a girl mean when she says “I never looked at you that way”? It generates so many questions….

1. Does she look at each guy in different ways and identify potential candidates who will fit her specific needs?

2. To be precise, where does she look?

3. How to make a girl look at ‘that’ way?

I bet even the girl can’t answer these questions… this is my theory about girls …

While being as friend with a guy, 90% of the girls put up an external character. A character that is completely different from what she is in reality. Even though you hear stories about her ‘adventures’ from your other friends, you would rather trust the girl than your other friends… basically you went dumb in her love… all the while, the girl would be feeling stupid about you. Basically… she wants you to take advantage of her closeness… doing something exciting …. but as a dumb guy who is in love… you would behave in such a predictable way … and eventually when you propose… she just turns you down by saying “I never looked at you that way”.

Moral of the story – Before proposing a girl… make her look at you the so called “that way”. Do something exciting … take control… be adventurous… don’t be a predictive dumb idiot… God has given you brain… use it…. and then see the after effects…

And for all the girls who are reading this blog… I love you all!

Body of Lies

Few days back, I saw another movie called “Body of Lies”. The movie was about how American Secret agencies work in Middle East regions and the conditions there. I don’t know what has happened to me, getting sick of my stupidity in wasting time. I wait for weekend to do something interesting and when the weekend arrives I just waste it. I am at my worst when I am not allowed to do what I want. And that’s exactly the reason behind my disinterest in doing anything productive. I am sick of explaining people about what I want from life. Their rigidness and lack of sense has deeply affected the direction of my life. How long can a person keep explaining? Either I am psychologically damaged or they don’t want to understand me. I feel like leaving everything, runaway somewhere but the only reason I stay back is because I care for these people.

There are things that I want to achieve, discover and formulate but the circumstances take me miles away from it. I was meant to be a discoverer but here I am facing the stupid aspects of live. I have learnt a lot of hard lessons from life. It takes more than a person to achieve a name in history. And I have realized that people around me are here to cause more troubles then helping me in reaching the destination. Nevertheless, as long as God is on my side, I can face any trouble.

On God and Quantum Mechanics

In quantum mechanics, there is a concept of Heisenberg uncertainty due to which you cannot accurately calculate the values of two canonical observables simultaneously. One simple example of this is, in all realistic conditions, you cannot calculate accurately the exact location and velocity of a particle simultaneously. This might seem nothing but some theoretical nonsense, however there has been enough scientific evidence about its validity. The consequence of this effect is that our universe is no longer deterministic but rather probabilistic.

When this effect was highlighted, there were many people who were quite opposing to it. Some people believed God's playing Dice with us, some people believed God can't play dice with us and some felt we should not question what does! Before I further go ahead, let me briefly describe what actually deterministic nature of Universe is and what's its relation with God. Before the advent of quantum mechanics, it was believed that if you know the state of universe at one point of time then you could accurately describe the state of universe at all points by applying pure scientific laws. This was attributed as Deterministic state of Universe. The deterministic nature of the Universe downplayed the Role of God in functioning of Universe. Once I have the set of laws and known state of Universe, I can know everything… then what's the need of so called "God"? This was the question raised by lot of people including scientists. There were theories thrown up about self-organized structure of universe doubting the very existence of God.

It was quantum mechanics that strengthened the idea of existence of "God" indirectly by proposing some revolutionary ideas. Heisenberg Uncertainty principle abolished the idea of Determinism, i.e. even if you have set of scientific laws and a known state of Universe you cannot accurately calculate the state of universe at any unknown point. Irrespective of how it sounds, this effect has decreased the power of science! Now with science, I can only give the probability of what can happen but cannot accurately say what will happen. As bizarre as it sounds, quantum mechanics produces many such intriguing results that down plays the absolute power of science and indirectly strengthening the idea of God.

Gödel’s Incompleteness theorem

In 1931, Kurt Gödel came up with theorem that states that there exists at least one statement within a formal axiomatic theory that cannot be proved to be true. This theorem is famously known as “Gödel’s Incompleteness theorem”. This theorem not has makes a deep impact on the philosophy of mathematics but also describes the very nature of human life!

Let me make it clear this way by modifying the theorem.

There exists at least one wish within a human being that never gets fulfilled in his/her lifetime.

I know, that thing does sound like being rude to fate - however I have always noticed that incompleteness in my life. My mother says, God dislikes the dissatisfied people and one should be self-contained with what has been given to him/her. I want to make it clear that I am not dissatisfied with life, just that I am not satisfied too.

The other day I saw a movie called “Wanted”, I know I am watching a lot of movies now-a-days. It is again the same genre of movie where the hero doesn’t get the girl at the end. However, the movie is remarkably different that the typical movie in which hero falls in love. This movie deals with a group of assassins who kills people based on a fate machine. The theory revolves around a person who considered his life to be useless suddenly finds himself doing amazing stunts along with the group of assassins. And there enters Angelina Jolie… I still can’t forget her Lara Croft look, as gorgeous as ever. I won’t go in detail on the review of the movie but if you thought only Rajnikanth can play with bullets, watch this movie!!